Bet Me (Finding My Way) Read online

  “I’m thinking we should play this game when we’re alone because I really want to know what you’re wearing under those shorts to match that” he replies titghtly, his mic resting between his legs so only I can hear.

  I lower my mic and lean into his ear running my tongue along the outline of it teasingly “Nothing” I whisper in answer to his question. He stops fumbling with my buttons, in fact he freezes all together. A few shouts of ‘what’s going on?’ brings him out of his daze and he throws me over his shoulder. I leave the club exactly like I entered it, upside down and not bothering to fight it.

  thirteen

  Luke returns early morning afternoon and finds me going through some photos from uni, we sit and reminisce for a few hours before we begin the moving process.

  I love my new house it’s a three bedroom, three story house, well four if you include the attic. The front door leads you into a hallway and it has three doors coming off it, the first one leads into the coat room, the second one into the kitchen and the third one into the front room. My front room is huge, it’s got enough room for my new L shaped sofa, it has a real fire and a curved staircase taking you to the second floor. On this floor there are two bedrooms and a family bathroom. I have taken the bedroom that faces onto my back yard. The third floor has only one room which is an ensuite. I have turned this room into my office and reading room. The only room that holds anything of my life before this moment is the spare bedroom. My university hooded jacket is in a big frame hung above the room and there are photos of my old group of friends placed all around the room as well as things from nights out at the club and photos of all my friends here. The rest of the house just has decoration and art that don’t mean anything to me, until I gather new things to hang on the walls and to put on the shelves. I’m sure it won’t take me long to fill this place with new memories. My favourite new purchase is my bed, it’s a black iron king size and sits below the huge window in my bedroom. My old bed is in the spare room and I don’t have any inclination to sleep in that bed ever again.

  Saying goodbye to Luke we both leave the house but head in different directions promising to visit each other again soon.

  “You look like crap Brooke” Lucy notes frowning at me.

  This is the first thing anyone has said to me since I walked into the club minutes ago. Looking down at myself, I realize I should have changed before I came in. I’m in old jeans and an oversized tee that’s tucked in at the front and my hair is piled in a messy bun on top of my head.

  “Thanks, I love you too” I return dryly and head into the office to fix myself a coffee.

  “I hear Brooke’s in the house, get on up here Brooke wherever you are” I hear Andrew’s voice come through the speakers as I make my way out of the office hugging my coffee to my chest. I look up and catch his eye from his position on the bar. “Shit, actually stay right there” he says worriedly but I’m already making my way onto the bar.

  “Are you okay?” he asks grabbing my shoulders and searching my face.

  “Guess I really do look like crap, huh?” I ask half joking.

  “What’s happened?”

  “Nothing, I’m fine” I snap, fed up of the comments about me looking like hell. I get the point. He seems to get the message because he leaves it at that.

  “How’s everyone doing tonight?” I ask into my mic but my voice sounds dead.

  A few people murmur answers and some of my friends look up at me concerned.

  “Fuck it” I mutter and pass the mic back to Andrew as I jump back down from the bar.

  I head over to greet the rest of my friends and grab the band their drinks. They all ask if I’m okay and accept that I’m fine when I say I am. I only last another hour of serving drinks before I head into the office and curl up on the sofa in there, within a few minutes I’m fast asleep.

  When I wake up an hour or two later, I do so feeling even more exhausted than before I fell asleep. I seriously don’t think I’m going to make it home; I’m going to have to spend the night here. Someone has thrown a blanket over me while I was sleeping and I wrap it around my shoulders as I head into the bar to get a glass of orange juice.

  “You okay?” Lucy asks as I take a long drink of my juice.

  I shake my head at her “I’m exhausted” I admit weakly.

  “You look like your going to pass out Brooke” she says looking concerned as I sway and she grabs my shoulders frowning.

  “I’m fine I just need to lie down, I think. I do feel a little dizzy but I’m sure it’s just because I’m tired”

  “Stay here for two minutes for me please, just so I know you’re okay. I can’t keep an eye on you when you’re in there” she says putting down a stool for me that someone passes her over the bar.

  “Have you eaten today?” she asks as she swaps my empty drink for a new one.

  I’m about to answer her but my thoughts drift and the memory of Tucker pushing me up against the office door and bending me over in the stockroom flash in front of my mind.

  We didn’t use protection…

  I haven’t had a period since …

  My stomach turns, nausea and dizziness flood me “Uh Luce, I need Jess!” I scream panicked and throw my hand over my mouth swaying on the stool slightly. I fight against the black spots clouding my vision and shut my eyes tightly.

  “Shit” I hear her mutter and then she calls someone over. A few seconds later I’m being lifted off the stool onto my feet and steered towards the office I shake my head furiously “Bathroom!” I cry trying to hold the sick back that’s slowly building it’s way up. I’m guided into the staff bathroom and set down in front of the toilet where I throw up my Chinese from last night and my orange juice with a lot of coffee. I dry heave for a few minutes and then exhaustion settles over me once again.

  “Not yet you don’t, let’s get you back in the office” A voice that I think belongs to Tucker but I’m not sure because I can’t hear it clearly says softly to me.

  “I can’t” I croak before accepting the glass of water that comes out of nowhere. “I’m too tired” I groan.

  Two hands land softly on my cheeks and my face is turned. “Open your eyes Brooke” I obey and find myself looking into a pair of concerned light blue eyes. Tucker. “What’s wrong with you?” he asks softly.

  “I’m fine. I stayed up last night watching TV and lost track of time going through some of my old things, deciding what to keep and what to throw away, the next thing I knew it was morning and I spent the day moving house and unpacking everything, I was so busy I guess I forgot to eat. That’s all there is to it. Honest” I lie and kick myself for being so careless, I should have just gone to bed but I did promise I would come in tonight. Maybe I should have just called in.

  “Come on” he picks me up and carries me back through the bar into the office and lays me on the sofa then sits at the top and lifts my head onto his legs so they act as a pillow. For the next few hours I drift in and out of sleep hearing different conversations, I can’t make out who’s talking or what they are saying so I relax and fall back to sleep.

  “Come on Brooke, wake up, we need to get you home” someone says shaking me softly.

  “I don’t wanna” I mumble back sleepily.

  “I know, but you have to and no one knows where you live anymore so you have to show me”

  “Fine” I grumble and sit up rubbing my eyes. Tucker is still in the same position and I turn to the clock. “Oh my god … I’m so sorry, I was out for hours! You shouldn’t have stayed so long, sorry” I blink a few times to clear my vision a bit more and shakily stand up to test my legs.

  “Don’t worry about it, I wanted to stay” he says sincerity ringing clearly in his voice as he throws an arm around my shoulders and leads me out to his car. I give him the address and fall straight back to sleep as the car starts moving.

  I wake up in my bed, with a huge smile on my face as I stretch out completely relaxed. I frown down at myself when I realize I’
m still fully dressed just without my shoes on, then shrug it off as being too tired to get undressed once Tucker dropped me off. I’m in such a good mood today that I know it’s going to be an amazing day. Plugging my IPod into the docking station I turn my music up to full volume and dance my way into the shower and sing along. Still dancing and singing I throw on a pair of jeans and a tank, I put my Ipod in my pocket and plug in my earphones. I twirl my way down the stairs shaking my head and flipping my hair, laughing through the lyrics.

  “Someone’s damn happy this morning”

  I spin at the sound of Tucker’s voice and come to a complete stop.

  “Jesus you scared the shit out of me!” I complain clutching my chest.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt” he says waving a hand for me to continue looking amused.

  “I hope you made a pot” I warn watching him drink his coffee.

  “Of course” he hands me a mug that’s warm enough to drink without waiting for it to cool a bit.

  “Umm … you stayed the night?” I guess, not remembering much past getting in his car last night, I just assumed he dropped me off.

  “Yeah, I stayed in the spare room, which is like a time capsule for your life by the way” he notes.

  “Oh … umm why did you stay?” I ask not trying to be rude but just curious.

  “You asked me too” he frowns at me.

  “Oh … I don’t really remember anything past getting in your car after the club” I admit “Anyway I don’t care, I’m in such a good mood today that nothing else matters” I grin at him making him smile.

  “Can I ask why you are in such a good mood?”

  “I don’t really know to be honest, I just feel relaxed, happy, rested and sort of free” I explain as best that I can.

  “Well I’m happy you’re happy” he grins at me “What’s your plans for today?”

  “I have some paperwork to do for the office that I’m going to do upstairs, then I’m having dinner with Andrew and then I’ll be at the club tonight. What about you?”

  “I have a few things I need to do this morning but I’ll be at the club tonight”

  “Okay well I guess I’ll see you later then” I walk him to the door.

  “Be good” he kisses my cheek and leaves.

  My good mood doesn’t last long when I remember my discovery last night, with a quick text to Jess I leave my house praying for a miracle, what that miracle is though, I don’t know.

  ***

  Ten hours ago I found out I’m pregnant.

  I’m with child.

  I have a bun in the oven.

  There is a baby growing inside me.

  I’m knocked up.

  I took six tests, then I sent Jess out for another ten.

  They were all positive. Then we went to the doctors, where I discovered I’m not just pregnant, I’m sixteen weeks pregnant.

  I think I could possibly be in shock.

  Never the less, Jess was relentless; she wouldn’t let me call in and sign the club over to Will, she wouldn’t let me sell my house, she also wouldn’t let me pack my bag and run away. Trust me. I tried.

  After promising me she wouldn’t tell a soul, she helped me get ready for work and now we’re walking through the club, her arm wrapped tightly around my waist, this I think, is her way of stopping me turning around and running away, not that I would. At least not right away.

  A few people send us curious looks as we get closer to the bar and Jess squeezes me tightly when we stop opposite it.

  “You’re going to have to snap out of it Brooke. People will start asking questions otherwise” she whispers.

  I open my mouth tell her I agree but no words come out, instead I swallow and nod.

  “Uh .. maybe we should go around the bar, you probably shouldn’t be climbing over it” she frowns at the bar.

  I glare at her “I’m not disabled” I snap.

  “Jeeze” she mutters but then a loud cheer further down the bar distracts us both.

  A few feet down the bar a group of students are doing shots. Anger washes over me suddenly.

  “Great. I can’t even drink anymore!” I throw my head back.

  “No coffee either” Jess reminds me, unhelpfully.

  “So tell me, oh great one, what can I fucking do?” I demand, losing the hold on my emotions completely.

  Jess backs up a step and watches me wearily, I guess a pissed off pregnant woman is more than she can handle. I push past her and walk around the bar, storming straight into Wills office.

  “Hey Brooke ...” he trails off and his smile fades when he see’s my expression.

  “I’m pregnant. I can’t drink. I can’t carry anything heavy. I can’t drink coffee. I can’t do ANYTHING!!!” I scream the last part.

  “You’re pregnant?” he asks breaking out into a smile.

  “Don’t you fucking dare!” I shout at him, pointing a finger and taking a step back when he stands from his desk. “I only found out today, I’m four months pregnant! What the fuck am I supposed to do?!”

  “Uh ... calm your language?” he smirks at me.

  “It’s not funny!” I start pacing “I don’t want anyone to know, hell, I don’t even want to know. I can’t handle this, I can’t take care of a baby. I have no idea-”

  “Brooke!”

  I spin around, stopping my pacing mid step at his shout.

  “Calm down. Stress is not good for the baby. I can see why you’d freak out, you’re young but... you have so many people to help you through this that you can’t go wrong.”

  “It can go wrong” I mutter and then leave the office.

  I climb up onto the bar and grab a mic, the DJ lowers the music when he notices me. I take a few minutes to look at everyone in the crowd and I’m struck with the memory of when I returned and how happy everyone was to have me back.

  “I almost left you all again today” I say into the mic.

  I feel all the attention of the club turn to me, Andrew joins me on the bar with his own mic.

  “I did, I was going to sign the club over to Will, sell my house and leave. Never to return”

  “Why?” Andrew asks cautiously.

  “Jess wouldn’t let me though” I turn to him.

  All eyes swing to Jess and I watch as she shifts nervously but keeping her concerned eyes on me.

  “Why did you want to go?” Andrew asks coming closer to me slowly.

  “I still want to, I just have to figure out how to do it without Jess finding out and stopping me. Besides, she threatened to come find me and drag me back”

  A few laughs go up around us but they sound nervous, even to my ears. I turn when I hear low voices behind me and find Will talking to a concerned looking Lucy.

  “Everything can go wrong,” I say into my mic, Will looks up at me “And when it concerns me and my life, everything always go wrong”

  “Brooke, I thought you were sorted now” Andrew asks and I can see the confusion on his face.

  Will jumps up on the bar with us, apparently I feel more comfortable talking into a mic, in front of a hundred people. Then I realize, I do, because up here, we have to filter what we say, to a certain extent. I look down at Lucy and Chloe. “We need shots” I tell them.

  They hand us each a shot “Keep them coming” I tell Lucy, she sends me a look but does it anyway. I turn back to Will and Andrew, Andrew is looking down at his shot but Will has his eyes on the shot in my hand. I catch Jess’s eye and motion for her to join me, when she does I hand her my shot.

  “Stability, that’s your first one” I gesture for them all to take the shot and Lucy and Chloe hand out another one “Everyone needs stability in their lives”

  “Brooke?” Andrew asks again.

  I ignore him “Stability can come in a number of forms. It can be a place, somewhere to go. It can be a person, someone to rely on. Someone who no matter what, they’ll be there. Beauty, that’s your next shot”

  The club is silent now as every
one watches Will, Andrew and Jess take their shots and then all eyes return to me. I turn my eyes to Will “You don’t know this about me,” I turn my back to him and lift my hair so he can see the tattoo on the back of my neck “Do you know why I got that?” he shakes his head at me “It covers a scar, I don’t have many scars. I never talk about them either, no one knows about them,” my eyes fly to Tucker in the crows and he’s frowning at me “Do you think I need another one?” I ask him.

  I don’t look to see if he answers me or not “One more shot Luce” Lucy hands them all another shot and once again all attention is on me.

  “Strength” I shrug and gesture for them to do the shots “We all need some strength in our lives”

  I walk up to Will and lower my mic, speaking to him directly now but it’s so quiet that I’m sure even people on the other side of the club can hear me.

  “I can go on all night but just those three things. I don’t have any of them. So yeah, everything can go wrong. Do you know what the first thought I had earlier was? I wanted to speak to my mom” I laugh, it probably sounds insane “I wanted to talk to her! I hate her and I wanted, no I needed to talk to her. Do you have any idea how fucked up that is?”

  “Brooke, maybe we should go into the office” Will says quietly, I can see that he’s confused. He doesn’t understand. No one does.

  I lower my self so I’m sitting on the bar and lift the mic to my mouth as I look up at Andrew. I smile up at him “Wanna sleep over tonight?”

  “Uh .. last time I spent the night with you Brooke, you left town the next day” He smirks at me.

  “You were just that good. I needed to be a few towns away so I wouldn’t jump you.” I laugh.

  Everyone visibly relaxes and the atmosphere in the club lifts as the banter returns to normal.

  “Well ... I don’t normally do repeats but ... your bed sure is comfy”

  I laugh “We won’t get much sleep though”

  “I’m counting on that” he winks at me.